Grind

Grind is a football term.  It’s one that gets thrown around in the coaching world.  To be called a grinder is a great compliment and one that shows the hard-working nature of a coach, no matter the circumstances.  Obviously I realize I haven’t posted a damn thing on here for a very long time.  No excuses.  Just been lame about it.  Now I’m sitting at my desk at a job a hate not wanting to be here a second longer than  I have to.  I’m sitting in a cube with a view out a window into a world I want to coach in.  Not live in, coach in! You see, I hate my job.  Have I mentioned that yet?  I live every day practice to practice.  I get to go home for lunch and see my wife and that gives me the boost I need to make it through the rest of work and on to practice.  Once I step out of this office I feel liberated.  It sounds funny but its true.  I really do.  Honestly it doesn’t matter what I do I won’t be content until I’m coaching somewhere at a D1 school.  There’s only three places in life I know I belong.  I know I belong because every time I’m there I feel so fulfilled and challenged there’s no doubt I’m in the right place.  Those three things are simply: being with Jesus, being with my wife and being on a football field.  I know people are called to different things and I feel called to coach.  Every part of me comes alive when I’m in that environment.  I have such a passion for the game and for working with young men it’s almost my drug.  To make it even better I know Jesus wants me to coach and I know my wife wants me to coach.  It’s a unique experience having the opportunity combine my three passions like that.  My wife has been my biggest cheerleader and support in this and she encourages me more than any of you will ever know…unless you are a coaches wife!

At the start of this year my wife and I both decided it was time to do something crazy and pursue our dreams.  Obviously mine was coaching and hers was photography!  It’s been almost ten months and a lot of transition but here I sit behind this damn desk, hating my job, loving my wife and loving our journey.  When we both resigned we lost all income.  We lived off of savings for almost six months and moved in with her parents in April.  That drastically reduced our expenses but I still had to find work and more importantly $$$.  I had to grind.  Lame, but true.  Stephanie was still developing her business and that was consuming all of her time.  Through her hard work she is now taking photos and working to continually find more clients and create more business for herself.  She is so talented and will continue to do well.

The reality of our situation is still not lost on us though.  At least once a week we talk about where we’re at and how we desire to have our own space, our own apartment, to be financially stable enough to afford those things.  We dream of the future and what it might hold, where we’ll be, what it will look like, how we’ll make it and then we’re reminded of our journey.  We decided together back in January that we were going to pursue our passions.  We both took a blind leap, together, down different paths and here we are ten months later in the middle of a grind.  We lose sight of how crazy we are and how cool this journey is.  It really is.  It still surprises us both that we each had the courage to step out and do this.  Are we crazy?  Probably.  The timing could have been better but that doesn’t matter now.  We’re in it and we’re in it deep…in a good way.   I guess in some twisted way I’m glad I’m hating my job because it means I’m pursuing my true passion.  Every day I wake up reluctantly and head out the door to do the same damn thing every day.  I hate it because it’s not what I want to be doing, not what I’m supposed to be doing, but in order to get there I have to pay my dues.  I have to GRIND.

I found this verse very recently and it give me great encouragement:

From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.    Psalm 61:2-4

There have been days where I have cried out like this begging for the Lord to lead me to a rock higher, to be my shelter and strong tower.  And in some brief sinister moment I’m thankful for this process.  It sucks ass, but I’m thankful for it because I know when I do achieve that first goal (first goal because there’s plenty more on this coaching journey) I will only be able to point to the Lord and look back with relief and emotion I can only imagine.  I am trusting in the shelter of HIS wings.

I know this post is jumbled and unorganized but I just had to get something out for my own therapy.  Here’s what I’ll leave you with I guess…

This journey is really, really, really hard.  We have had to do things we thought we’d never do.  We are in a place we never, ever thought we’d be.  We both decided we were going to be crazy and go for it and now we both have to grind!  I have a t-shirt that says GRIND: The Dream Is Free, The Journey Is Not.  Obviously.  If you have a passion or calling you feel led to pursue, DO IT.  GRIND it out and go after it.  Right now we are learning to enjoy the journey and hoping in the shelter of the Lord’s wings.  It’s the worst and best thing we’ve ever done.   I am not a courageous person at all and here I sit.  Get off your ass and  do something. It will help your marriage, your relationship with Christ, and give you a completely new outlook on everything.  Trust me.  Go GRIND!!!!!!